A Photographic Memory

This past month with baby Luke has been so amazing!

From a swollen, very cheeky newborn, to a one month old 10lb boy, every moment (even the ones with seriously poopy diapers and never-ending baby cries) has been a miracle.

We couldn't be happier!

Happy Friday!

♥

Andrew, Luke & Rae

Happy moments

It's the little things that really make your day feel special.

Today, i'm happy for the fact that I got six and a half hours of sleep!

With a one month old, that truely is an accomplishment.

Yes, the sleep was not consecutive, the routine nursing & diaper changing tend to split up sleep but hey, i'll take what i can get these days!

I'm happy that my fiance, Andrew, came home from work early yesterday, giving me a break from Luke's alter-ego, demon baby (you know, the one with the glowing red eyes, ear-piercing cry even after a bath, full belly, a good burb, fresh diaper & clean clothes...whew!).

Best part about this moment? 

Spending time together as a family of three 

(well, five if you count the doggies Pekoe & Mya!)

And of course, making Brenner (Breakfast for dinner, a duh!) with my man

while listening to Marvin Gaye.

Oh how I love banana pancakes for dinner!

The Okay I got from doctor two days ago to start working out again in TWO MORE WEEKS!!!

I can't wait to start loosing this baby weight (and quit drooling over my skinny jeans that have been collecting dust for the past 9 months...oh, how sad!)

I'm planning on breaking out my yoga mat, which got some use while I was pregnant, but i think it would like a bit more devoted attention.

Okay yoga mat, I hear you, I hear you!

And finally, today i'm happy about the simple idea of spending time at home with my son.

I get to hear his little squeeks and coos, look into his bright blue eyes, and read him Harry Potter, Winnie the Pooh and Curious George.

So when I want to freak out at one of the dogs for peeing on the rug...again, I'm making a pact with myself to remember the sweet little moments.

♥

Rae

 

Labor: A personal biography

This having been my first baby, i was entirely unsure of what to expect during labor. Sure, I had read What To Expect When You're Expecting and just about every article I could get my hands on from Fit Pregnancy. But honestly, no matter how much you read, you can never be "ready" for your unique birthing experience; you can only be a little more prepared.

That being said, my birthing plan was a killer playlist (curtosy of my ipod) and an epidural. Though I have a few tattoos, i'm not really one for pain (i hyperventalated during my IV insert). I would have loved to have had a no-drugs, natural child birth, preferably where the room was dark, lit only by a few candles, insense smoke puffing by my nose, while the nurses and doctors chanted meditation songs in my pimped out Tahitian birthing tent...seriously, that would be my ideal, thought maybe the Tahiti thing takes it too far...

Anyways, I would have loved to have had a natural birth and to all you women out there who have done it or are even considering doing it, kudos to you ladies! You are some super awesome, tough mamas! Even with all the birthing classes in the world, I know myself and my pain threshold and I know that the au-natural route just isn't right for me.

But hey!

There's the first step!

You gotta know you!

I went into labor knowing that my little guy had been "dropped" for over 3 weeks already and I had been told he would be small, around 7.5lbs (what a JOKE). When I first arrived at the hospital at 5am, they said since i wanted an epidural for labor and because Luke was so low, they were going to give me the injection right then and there. I told them I didn't think that I needed it just yet, I was not in terrible pain after all and I wanted to allow labor to progress naturally as long as possible. 

So what happened?

They gave me the epidural anyway, which slowed down labor, bringing the total running time to 20 hours. Because labor slowed, they injected me with Pitocin to speed it up, which then made the contractions too fast and they were literally strangling my baby. When his heart rate dropped, they cut off the Pitocin and Luke's vitals stabalized. When I finally hit 10cm and was ready to push, (as only my luck would have it) the damn epidural wore off and they had to give me a triple dose for it to even work which of course, numbed me to hell (i couldn't have closed my legs if i wanted to!).

Three hours of pushing with little to no progress and I heard those dreadful words(dreadful to me at least): "We're going to have to do a c-section."

Ouch.

Shit.

No!

I cried and cried and swore up and down that I could do it, I would be the best pusher they'd ever seen. I wasn't so convincing I guess because a minuet later my temperture started rising and an anesthesiologist had shot me up to the moon on numbing drugs. Though I had cotton mouth and vertigo during my surgery, I ended up with a beautiful, healthy baby boy. A 9 POUND 10 OUNCE baby boy! 

When I first heard I was having a c-section, i felt like i had failed in some way; there was something i hadn't done (i knew i should have gone to that lamaze class!). I felt like I had been robbed of my right of passage as a woman (but didn't hundreds of women get c-sections everyday?). In my hazed of hospital lights and drugs I didn't have much time to think. It was only after it was all over that I felt empty somehow. That is, until I looked into my son's eyes for the first time. There he was, this beautiful, perfect baby who had spent the last nine months swimming inside of my tummy. Here was the baby who had given me morning sickness, kicked me in the ribs, gave me cankels...and who from the moment I discovered him growing inside of me, gave me an undeniable happiness. Sure, I hated the side effects of pregnancy (no one out there like's being constipated and filled with enough acid to disolve a nail) but what pregnancy brings, what it brought me...was well worth the discomfort.

♥

Rae

"This Is My Message To You"

Nothing can compare to that moment when you first find out, “I'm pregnant!”. Maybe that exclamation mark came with uncontrollable joy, a wave of fear, or maybe a bit of both. But one thing can be said to be true for all: it is a moment that shakes the very ground beneath your feet and your life will never, ever be the same.

Of my personal experience, I was engaged and in the middle of planning my wedding to my wonderful chef fiancé. I was finishing up college and we were shopping for a first place together. And then, I noticed my period hadn't come yet. Next, my breasts felt like hardened cement on my chest (“hi, nice to meet you, like my rock tits?”). And then, but of course, came the nausea.

So you could say I was a bit concerned about the possibility of pregnancy and it's ever-increasing signs in my body. So naturally two weeks later, the constant procrastinator (yes even with pregnancy, what can I say, it's a chronic problem) I decided to (finally!) take a pregnancy test. And as usual, timing everything ever so perfectly, I took it right before Andrew (hubby-to-be) and I were heading out to a friend's party. There was one very dark pink line and...one barely-there-what-do-you-think-omg-it-can't-be...line. We made the speediest beeline to Walmart you can imagine, all the while driving in an adrenaline-soaked silence. We tore through the pharmacy department, grabbed four more pregnancy tests, and drove home. (okay, maybe we sped a wee bit).

Four more tests later and it was a confirmed fact: I was pregnant and we were having a baby!

Shock: check

Nervousness: double check

True, we hadn't planned on having children for a few more years (preferably after the wedding but i'm all for breaking convention), and we were still pretty young (early 20's), but here it was; the pink plus sign we couldn't ignore. Andrew and I were in love, deeply, head-over-heels in love...so what was I so afraid of?

For one thing, I still had a year of college left and so did Andy. For another, we didn't exactly have a lot of money, and finally, I thought there was no way in hell I could do this whole mom thing. I mean, I can barely cook without burning something and I have always been terrified of holding babies (they're so tiny and fragile right?). For two weeks I lost sleep over the idea that I was pregnant...and then Andrew left a letter for me on our bed. It was a love letter, a support letter...a vow that he wanted to be a father, even if the timing was a little bit off. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew this baby was mine, part of my body and here to stay. But hearing Andrew's words set my life back into line. Here we were: the next step of the journey. Fear aside and doubts aside, having this baby became the best part of who I was. (At least until labor when I became a beached manatee with a terrible temper and R-rated language.)

Nine months later, 20 hours of labor, 3 hours of pushing and finally, a c-section, Luke Avery made his way into the world at 9lbs 10oz (even though I initially dreaded it, thank god for that c-section!).

So here's to life and love unexpected ladies! A toast to all you mamas and mamas-to-be! Pregnancy is only the beginning and now we navigate uncharted waters with dark circles, adjusted night-vision, bottles and boobies!

Good luck to you all and more to come!

♥

Rae