Nothing can compare to that moment when you first find out, “I'm pregnant!”. Maybe that exclamation mark came with uncontrollable joy, a wave of fear, or maybe a bit of both. But one thing can be said to be true for all: it is a moment that shakes the very ground beneath your feet and your life will never, ever be the same.
Of my personal experience, I was engaged and in the middle of planning my wedding to my wonderful chef fiancé. I was finishing up college and we were shopping for a first place together. And then, I noticed my period hadn't come yet. Next, my breasts felt like hardened cement on my chest (“hi, nice to meet you, like my rock tits?”). And then, but of course, came the nausea.
So you could say I was a bit concerned about the possibility of pregnancy and it's ever-increasing signs in my body. So naturally two weeks later, the constant procrastinator (yes even with pregnancy, what can I say, it's a chronic problem) I decided to (finally!) take a pregnancy test. And as usual, timing everything ever so perfectly, I took it right before Andrew (hubby-to-be) and I were heading out to a friend's party. There was one very dark pink line and...one barely-there-what-do-you-think-omg-it-can't-be...line. We made the speediest beeline to Walmart you can imagine, all the while driving in an adrenaline-soaked silence. We tore through the pharmacy department, grabbed four more pregnancy tests, and drove home. (okay, maybe we sped a wee bit).
Four more tests later and it was a confirmed fact: I was pregnant and we were having a baby!
Shock: check
Nervousness: double check
True, we hadn't planned on having children for a few more years (preferably after the wedding but i'm all for breaking convention), and we were still pretty young (early 20's), but here it was; the pink plus sign we couldn't ignore. Andrew and I were in love, deeply, head-over-heels in love...so what was I so afraid of?
For one thing, I still had a year of college left and so did Andy. For another, we didn't exactly have a lot of money, and finally, I thought there was no way in hell I could do this whole mom thing. I mean, I can barely cook without burning something and I have always been terrified of holding babies (they're so tiny and fragile right?). For two weeks I lost sleep over the idea that I was pregnant...and then Andrew left a letter for me on our bed. It was a love letter, a support letter...a vow that he wanted to be a father, even if the timing was a little bit off. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew this baby was mine, part of my body and here to stay. But hearing Andrew's words set my life back into line. Here we were: the next step of the journey. Fear aside and doubts aside, having this baby became the best part of who I was. (At least until labor when I became a beached manatee with a terrible temper and R-rated language.)
Nine months later, 20 hours of labor, 3 hours of pushing and finally, a c-section, Luke Avery made his way into the world at 9lbs 10oz (even though I initially dreaded it, thank god for that c-section!).
So here's to life and love unexpected ladies! A toast to all you mamas and mamas-to-be! Pregnancy is only the beginning and now we navigate uncharted waters with dark circles, adjusted night-vision, bottles and boobies!
Good luck to you all and more to come!
♥
Rae
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